SAD CONFESSION

I come today with a sad confession.  I am not dealing with this continuing pandemic very well. On top of it I am not dealing well with the direction our country seems to be going in.  There is so much hate. So much fear of others. So much distrust and on top of it all so much greed at the top. I pray I am wrong but I fear I am not.  As a result though I have my spurts of creativity and productivity, there are many days when I just don't feel like doing anything. It's like WHY BOTHER!

I need to get over this.  There still is much good in our world and hopefully in our country. All these thoughts make me feel very old.  Oh yeah, at 70 I guess I am real old. I don't understand a country where lies and bullying are acceptable by a large group. I don't understand name calling, though I should because I was called many names as a young teen. I don't understand the feeling of what I WANT IS WHAT IS IMORTANT!  It is my right to do what I want even if it puts someone else in harms way. I definitely do not understand conspiracy theories. I feel so out of what seems today to be the normal way.

Maybe this all just needs to be chalked up to my being alone, on my own, in my home for over two months now.  My companion is my TV and with that the news. NOT GOOD! I try reading and listening to music, but  can only do that so much. My ADD kicks in big time.  I need to get back to sewing, but since I am done making the masks I was asked for I don't know what I am sewing for.  I guess being alone at home right now I am having a crisis of what am I here for while the world is suffering.

Enough!  Tomorrow WILL be a better day.  It has to be.  I can't go on like this. One good thing I guess is I have rediscovered that I can cook.  I hate doing it for myself, but I can do it and have committed to two real meals a week. Tonight it was spareribs.  Yes they were yummy and they came with leftovers for tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow I will have a sewing project complete to show. I do have things I would like to do. I just need the incentive. I need to get beyond the feeling I am just existing and not living.