SAD CONFESSION

I come today with a sad confession.  I am not dealing with this continuing pandemic very well. On top of it I am not dealing well with the direction our country seems to be going in.  There is so much hate. So much fear of others. So much distrust and on top of it all so much greed at the top. I pray I am wrong but I fear I am not.  As a result though I have my spurts of creativity and productivity, there are many days when I just don't feel like doing anything. It's like WHY BOTHER!

I need to get over this.  There still is much good in our world and hopefully in our country. All these thoughts make me feel very old.  Oh yeah, at 70 I guess I am real old. I don't understand a country where lies and bullying are acceptable by a large group. I don't understand name calling, though I should because I was called many names as a young teen. I don't understand the feeling of what I WANT IS WHAT IS IMORTANT!  It is my right to do what I want even if it puts someone else in harms way. I definitely do not understand conspiracy theories. I feel so out of what seems today to be the normal way.

Maybe this all just needs to be chalked up to my being alone, on my own, in my home for over two months now.  My companion is my TV and with that the news. NOT GOOD! I try reading and listening to music, but  can only do that so much. My ADD kicks in big time.  I need to get back to sewing, but since I am done making the masks I was asked for I don't know what I am sewing for.  I guess being alone at home right now I am having a crisis of what am I here for while the world is suffering.

Enough!  Tomorrow WILL be a better day.  It has to be.  I can't go on like this. One good thing I guess is I have rediscovered that I can cook.  I hate doing it for myself, but I can do it and have committed to two real meals a week. Tonight it was spareribs.  Yes they were yummy and they came with leftovers for tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow I will have a sewing project complete to show. I do have things I would like to do. I just need the incentive. I need to get beyond the feeling I am just existing and not living.

AND IT GOES ON.....

T

Things have been slowing down in my life.  I think I am getting real close to reaching my limit on my alone time.  I've now been working on embroidery projects that I have no idea what I will do with,  IT has become sewing just to have something to do.  IT worked for a while but know it seems to becoming rather pointless. I am making things I ave no idea whatsoever I will do with. Here are a lot of the blocks I have embroidered.  I need to do something with them.  The best I can come up with is I will create a Corona wall in my house with the small wall-hangings I've made during this time.

Actually I am working on some blocks that could end up as a baby gift.  That is if I ever need a baby gift.  It would be a small quilt called Fairy Blocks.  Each block relates to a fairy tale. Here is one of those blocks.

 I really like them as they have the look of hand embroidered blocks. I will post a picture here of the quilt if and when I get it finished.

What else is going on here?  Well today Florida went over the 50,000 make of Covid cases.  As a state we are now open. Yet the casers keep going up each day. I can barely wait to get back out into the world. But I won't yet. I am not yet comfortable with what is going on. Florida seems to be not reporting cases in a reliable manner. At this point all I can say is who knows. As hard as it is becoming I will wait. I may be an old lady, but I am not yet willing to put myself at risk of checking out on this life at any time soon. I need to have more time with my kids.  We need to make up the time we missed in April. God willing we will.

It's Hard

Yes it's hard to think of things and to post on a regular basis.
Time seems to have no meaning at the moment. At least for me that seems to be reality. I wish I could understand how time passes. When I wake up I have to go through a serious of events and passings to let me know  what day it is. When "Stay at Home" rules take event time seems to no longer have any meaning. 
That said,  what have I been doing? PUZZLES!!!! I had to clean off my kitchen table and make room for puzzles.  This is my second once and it shows different places around the DC area. The unique thing about this puzzle is that on the back of each piece is a fact about the area.  Easy but fun!

What else have I been doing?  I can not lie, The last week has been a challenge. I am feeling very alone. I know there are people out there who care for me, and I care for and love them, BUT I have no real contact with them..  I want a hug! I need a touch! Physically I am alone, and I am shrinking into a nothingness because of it. For those of you who have even one other person in your space give thanks for that person. You have a contact with humanity other than that of virtual reality. My mind can only play so many games to think that it has contact with others. 

So I am going on to put together another puzzle and plan more sewing projects. When will this end? Or will this be the prison I will find myself in the rest of my life?

HELLO!

It's been a while, two weeks.  I have thought about coming by and posting but just haven't been able to actually get here.  Life has been a growing challenge the last two weeks. I don't even know how to put into words what I have been thinking or feeling. As is usual with me my thoughts and emotions bounce around like a ping pong ball.  They seem to change with every passing hour. I'm content to be alone/ I hate being alone and crave human and personal interaction.  I have so much I want to do/ I just can't seem to do it. I love sewing/ I hate my sewing machine.  I want to go spend some money/I am very happy that I haven't been spending money.  I really want some bourbon/I don't want to drink.  I am a mass of contradictions these days and it is driving me crazy.  I just don't see the point of any of it anymore.  Enough said.

I have been accomplishing a few things.  I've been sewing and finished two projects.  Though I have made about 20 more masks since last post I've spent most of my sewing time on things I have wanted to do. I finished the little wall hanging with the painted blocks. I am very happy with how it turned out.  I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what sashing and border fabric I wanted to use. Or whether I even wanted to use sashing.  With the help and advice of some friends on Facebook this is what I ended up with.  I think it is a cute and happy little wall hanging.

The other project I finished was another small wall-hanging in honor of Cinco d' Mayo. It's bright and colorful and also I think very happy.  The designs are taken from traditional Mexican fabrics called Otomi. I love the brightness and almost whimsical nature of these designs.

 

I have spent some time going through the thousands of embroidery designs I have accumulated from my membership in Anita Goodesigns All Access Club.  It's time to begin using some of them.  I have a few more waiting in the wings to be done. Stay tuned!